


ground me.

by xllx (exasperatedmoron)



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Comfort, Dissociation, Eliott being the most understanding boyfriend out there, Established Relationship, Fluff, I Tried, Ill add more tags as I think of them, In a way, M/M, it's mostly me projecting tho, yikes idk if this was written well but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 01:50:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exasperatedmoron/pseuds/xllx
Summary: in which eliott is there for lucas even if lucas can't register what is going on
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 12
Kudos: 104





	ground me.

**Author's Note:**

> oh hey i wrote a lil sumn. it isnt interesting or anything tho. just something i did to try and let thoughts out. but really it’s an uneventful fic. and confusing...
> 
> i hope you guys like it though
> 
> <3
> 
> [ thank you so much @sandalwoodhusbands @chelouelou for being awesome and beta-ing (??omg) this fic ]
> 
> [ and special mention to my girl @skammecs <3 ]
> 
> [ AND (oof) to my skamfr & cry mecs for everything <3]

Eliott tries to stop his face from frowning and appearing sad (it’s not like Lucas would notice anyway) but the grim, constrained look on his face as he leans against the doorframe with a cold dinner tray in his hands gives away his worry.

He’s been standing there for a minute. It almost feels like Lucas is an image on their bed, quiet and still, instead of a video that could move and produce noise. Lucas is not even showing any signs that he knows Eliott exist, but Eliott is aware that Lucas knows he is in the room. He has not been around to experience much of Lucas’ ‘moments’ yet, but one thing he does know thanks to Manon is that Lucas always knows what’s going on. Doesn't mean Lucas can register what’s going on.

“What can I do?”

Lucas doesn't react for 23 seconds. Then he looks up from the spot of the room he’s been staring at for the last 30 minutes and finally makes eye contact with Eliott as if he was responding 1 second later rather than 23.

“Nothing.” Lucas answers. Then he closes his mouth, falling silent as if he forgot he was in a conversation. 

His eyes never leave Eliott's, but his gaze makes Eliott feel as if Lucas is looking at him like he would look at a wall or a statue; his eyes just _void_ of emotion.

“It will pass.” The blue-eyed boy takes another pause for 18 seconds. It reminds Eliott of a buffering youtube video, as if there was an incoordination in his thoughts to speech process.

“You can hold me. Don’t talk. But hold me. Don’t hold me. But hold me. Tight. Not tight.”

Eliott doesn't even hesitate to put down the tray of food and crawl into their bed, getting under Lucas’ blanket and cuddling the smaller boy from the back as if he was precious goods that he could not drop.

He has no idea which sentence Lucas really wanted him to follow. Well, he knows he wanted Eliott to do all of it, but not all. Eliott just doesn't know which one Lucas wants or needs more at the moment, so he just goes with his gut feeling to hold him close and tight, but not in a way that would make the younger boy feel constrained.

They stay that way for a few minutes, but Eliott knows from (little) experience that the silent, unmoving and quiet boy in his arms is still wide awake. His mind was just too loud but also too quiet to do anything on the outside.

“What is it like?”

Lucas doesn't _hear_ the question. But somehow his ear picked it up and dropped it in his brain.  
He feels words form in his brain, scattered on the ground and slowly floating up to create a sentence to let out.

“Empty. Full. Numb. Overwhelming. It’s like… a veil in my mind. It’s blocking out things from coming in, going out… But it’s also makes everything feel like it’s… _more_. It makes me think _more_. Sometimes, too...”

Lucas goes quiet again, but Eliott knows that he isn't done yet. 

He waits the 11 seconds Lucas takes to continue.

“Much. It feels like. It feels so trapped it makes my mind bounce from this to that to this to that... but it’s also fuzzy and cramped up like a crumpled piece of paper. I can stare at a wall for 1 second and my brain will start thinking ‘wall, wall, cement, cement, cement, big wall, white wall, beige wall, wall…... wall ……..”

Eliott peers over at Lucas’ eyes when the boy goes quiet, checking to see if he fell asleep, but all he sees is his boyfriend staring straight into nothing again, eyes as empty as he probably feels. 

Eliott really loves how Lucas’ deep blue eyes reminded him of the ocean, but hates how sometimes they would be a reflection of his mind. Just like the ocean; constantly moving, umoving, empty, loud and quiet all at once.

He thinks Lucas doesn’t even know that he’s staring in the direction of Mika’s thigh, who had just walked past their room and noticed the two. He had given Eliott a sad, but understanding look and a grim smile that also meant ‘I'm here if you guys need me’.

“It’s the wall.”

“Hmm?”

“The wall. It's a lot.”

“It is.”

“I need to sleep, Eliott. It’s a lot. It’s… it’s a lot.”

Eliott knows that Lucas had asked him not to talk, but right now it feels like Lucas was reaching out through the cloud — finally.

“Sleep, baby. I'm right here. Close your eyes.”

“I know- no. Here. It’s worse when I close my eyes and my mind is still turning. Processing. Input. No output... You’re here. I know. You’re here. It’s a lot. You’re here…”

“Try to focus on me… If that helps. If you can do that."

Lucas stays quiet, so Eliott just holds him.

“Let me ground you. I’m here.”

He doesn't even bother checking on his boyfriend again because he knows Lucas would still be staring in the direction Mika was standing earlier - now a crack in the wall that Lisa made when she was lugging Eliott’s luggage in and the wheel got snagged on the carpet.

Lucas says nothing.

After 28 minutes, Eliott notices that Lucas' body posture had gone from a stiff ragdoll, to something like dough. Lucas’ arm, slid over Eliott's, no longer felt like dead weight - more like Lucas had shifted and was trying to hug Eliott closer to him but had forgotten that's what he was doing mid-motion, so now it fell in an awkward position on Eliott's shoulder. His neck wasn't strained anymore, now resting comfortably on Eliott’s other arm.

Eliott lays there for what feels like hours (and in all honesty, he could have. He really couldn’t tell and the clock was behind him). Eliott notices that at some point Lucas fell asleep, but he decides to stay up a little longer. Just like Lucas did during his bad episodes.

He does plan to sleep. He knows he shouldn't (and won't) give up sleep because he’s been trying to be more healthy; for himself and for the two of them. They both are.

But he stays up a little longer.

As his eyelids start to get heavier, Mika walks past them again and peers in. He takes a moment to look at the two of them and something in him seems to grow softer and relaxed. He gives Eliott a hopeful and reassuring smile as he picks up the tray of food Eliott left, turns off the main light, turns on Lucas’ nightlight and drops a kiss on both of their foreheads.

And with that, it almost felt as if the cloud Eliott thought filled the room finally cleared and he was able to fall asleep, letting his mind think that everything would be good. It’s going to be good.

Lucas has Eliott, Eliott has Lucas, Mika has both of them and both of them have Mika.  
Everyone has each other and everyone is going to be okay.

No one is alone.

The clouds are going to clear up soon.

And everything will be okay.

And if they come back again - Eliott knows everyone has someone to ground them.

**Author's Note:**

> i was going to have something else be the first fic i post in this fandom but this came up and this had more meaning to me so here we are.
> 
> I rarely talk about what goes through my head when i get moments of… haziness (90% of the time it’s usually because i don’t even know how) but a few nights ago something made me want to write even though my head felt extremely hazy and empty but also like there were scribblings and so much but also like a huge grey field but here it is.
> 
> If it’s confusing,,, uh yeah. that’s kinda how it feels like. it’s confusing for both lucas and eliott, but it will pass, it eventually does and sometimes having someone or something to act as an anchor really helps.
> 
> take care everyone  
drink loads of water pleazzee


End file.
